onward: Part. II

sam has only seen the end result of lucifer’s death, hasn’t seen the events leading up to it, can’t possibly anticipate every single relevant variable to ensure that he saves lucifer from his fate. and yet sam will try, of course, try to fight against every single sign he interprets as a threat: doesn’t consider at first that perhaps he’s the variable that sets the wheel in motion.

sam’s visions growing stronger the longer he’s with lucifer, to the point where they’re occurring not just when he’s asleep. a sharp pain through his temple as the image of lucifer’s mangled limbs and red stained face flashes behind closed eyelids. and when lucifer touches sam’s wrist and asks him what’s the matter, sam will shake his head: he’s fine, just a headache, trying to conceal the sadness tinting his voice. 

sometimes, sam can fool himself into forgetting that he’s cursed, when he’s wrapped around lucifer at night, everything quiet and still. sam wants to remain like that, undisturbed and frozen in time, feeling as though nothing could possibly overpower his devotion to lucifer, no force in the world strong enough to rip them apart.

other times, sam toys with the idea of telling lucifer, warning him in the hopes that he can be more prepared for what’s to come, even though the voice at the back of sam’s head is telling him it won’t change a thing.

sam could have saved himself. he could have walked away rather than forward when he spotted lucifer across the street, the face that had burned into his memory from many nights prior which found sam waking up heaving for breath in a cold sweat. could have saved himself from the inevitable struggle of keeping lucifer alive against what has already been decided to pass. 

sam is determined to save this one though. at least this one. what good are his visions if he can’t save the people who haunt him.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SAMIFER FOR A GOD DAMN MINUTE??

LUCIFER WAS LITERALLY AN AMAZING PERSON, DESPITE THE TRYING TO BURN THE WORLD. HIS CRIME WAS LITERALLY KNOWING WHAT LOVE TRULY WAS AND WHAT IT MEANT. HE HATES HUMANITY BECAUSE IT’S EASIER FOR HIM TO BLAME THEM FOR HIS FATHER BETRAYING HIS LOVE, THAN IT IS TO BLAME HIS FATHER.

 AND I THINK HE TRULY LOVED SAM. HE NEVER TRIED TO DO ANYTHING MORE THAN TALK TO SAM. AND NEVER TRIED TO CONTACT SAM WHEN SAM EXPRESSLY DOESN’T WANT HIM TO, UNLESS IT WAS TO SAVE SAM’S LIFE.

LUCIFER IS SEEMINGLY WILLING TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH, DESTROY CIVILIZATION (NOT EVEN ALL OF HUMANITY, AS HE LEAVES DEAN’S GROUP AND SIMILAR GROUPS ALIVE IN THE END), AND PROVE HIMSELF TO HIS FATHER AND MICHAEL, INCLUDING KILLING HIS BROTHERS WHO STAND IN HIS WAY. BUT HE NEVER HURTS SAM, AND TELLS THE DEMONS AND THE HORSEMEN THEY ARE NOT TO HURT EITHER SAM OR DEAN.

THE TWO THINGS WE CAN SEE ABOUT LUCIFER BESIDES HIS AFFECTION FOR SAM ARE
-HE IS MORALLY AGAINST LYING WHEN IT GENUINELY AFFECTS A SITUATION, PARTICULARLY WHILE TAKING VESSELS.
-AND HE ONLY GETS ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE HE LOVES ARE IN DANGER OR ARE HURT, AND WHEN HE DOES HE GETS VIOLENTLY ANGRY.

WHEN DOES HE EVER IN THE SHOW GET ANGRY? WHEN MERCURY TELLS HIM THE PAGANS KIDNAPPED THE BOYS AND HAD BEEN PLANNING TO KILL THEM. AND BOY DOES HE GET ANGRY.

AFTER HE ALLOWS MERCURY A PAINLESS QUICK DEATH, HE KILLS AT LEAST A DOZEN PAGAN GODS, VISIBLY IN A RAGE, AND HAPPILY KILLING THEM. BUT WHEN HE FINDS THE BOYS, EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE TWO GODS PRESENT, ONE THE MOST DANGEROUS OF THE BUNCH, WHO COULD EASILY STILL HURT THE BOYS, both of whom look general terrified, HE REIGNS IN HIS ANGER, FRIENDLY, HAPPY TO SEE THEM, KEEPS CALM, EVEN THOUGH HE IS STILL ANGRY WITH THE GODS (AND IF YOU ASK ME, WORRIED IT SEEMED), HE IS SURE TO KEEP CALM KNOW IT’S OKAY. IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY AND HE’S NOT GOING TO LET ANYONE HURT THEM. “Hello, boys. Good to see you.” AND WHEN GABE TRIES TO DEFEND THESE GODS, ONLY THEN DOES HE BECOME HOSTILE TOWARDS HIS BROTHER. BECAUSE HE’S DEFENDING PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO HURT THE ONLY HUMAN LUCIFER HAS EVER GIVEN A DAMN ABOUT. He later kills Gabe for trying to kill him to stop him from going through with devastating the Earth.

LATER, WHEN HE FINALLY POSSESSES SAM, WHICH I ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IN LENGTH, HE KILLS EVERYONE WHO EVER HURT OR MANIPULATED SAM FOR AZAZEL. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I DON’T THINK LUCIFER WANTED AZAZEL TO DO TO SAM’S LIFE WHAT HE DID. ALL HE TOLD AZAZEL THE ONE TIME THEY EVER SPOKE WAS TO FIND SAM, AND PREPARE HIM FOR LUCIFER’S COMING. THAT BEING SAID, ISN’T IT ODD HE KNEW ABOUT ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE, ABOUT WHAT AZAZEL DID? EVERYONE WHO HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH AZAZEL’S PLAN ABOVE THE POSITION OF A PAWN, WAS LONG LONG DEAD. SAM WAS FIGHTING LUCIFER AS IT WAS. IT TOOK LUCIFER A LOT OF EFFORT TO GET INTO HIS MEMORIES IN A VERY HEATED MOMENT WITH A TRIGGER OBJECT PRESENT. I DON’T THINK HE FOUND OUT THROUGH SAM. BESIDES, HE KNEW ABOUT JESS BEFORE THAT. 

I THINK LUCIFER WAS ABLE TO SEE SAM FROM THE CAGE AS SAM’S DESTINED ANGEL. HE SAW EVERYTHING SAM HAD TO GO THROUGH, THAT AZAZEL MADE HIM GO THROUGH. AND I’M SURE IT KILLED HIM TO KNOW IT WAS HIS FAULT. I DON’T THINK THE CAGE COULD MAKE ANY TORTURE FOR HIM WORSE THAN THAT. 

BUT I ALSO THINK LUCIFER CAN STILL SEE SAM ON EARTH. AND I THINK HALLUCIFER IS IN SOME PART LUCIFER IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. 

When Sam starts hallucinating, how he personifies the Cage is genuine torture. Meat hooks, strangling chains, fire; probably mostly how the cage tortured him. Hallucifer really comes out of nowhere. 

Now I think this is why; I think maybe Lucifer saw what Sam was going through. I think somehow The Cage was still attached to Sam, and I think Lucifer realized this and tried to use this fact to limit it’s effects, and maybe even contact Sam.

I think Hallucifer is a mix of the Actual Lucifer, reaching out to Sam from the Cage, and The Cage itself, STILL trying to torture Sam, using Lucifer’s form to do so when Lucifer tries to get to Sam, and trying to keep it from torturing Sam as much as he could.

That would explain why Sam suddenly Hallucinates an annoyance, who makes jail jokes, and flirts to make him uncomfortable, and keeps him up, and brings up how crappy Sam feels just to make him dwell on it, but who just wants Sam to pay attention, Saying so many many times, and understands how crappy Sam feels and why, and helps him on cases to make him open up, and looks at Sam with care even though he’s a hallucination there to torture him, and makes jokes about SPOONING rather than all the horrible things the Cage surely did to Sam, probably even in Lucifer’s form. That would also explain why the “mental damage” Cas takes from Sam is still in the form of Lucifer; eyes still caring yet devious, but betrayed. Lucifer still reached out, tried breaking through the Cage to the real world. It would explain why Cas’ psychosis heals over time, and why it leaves him A PACIFIST AND LOVER OF NATURE, ECCENTRIC BUT AS SWEET AS POSSIBLE, EVEN TO ENEMIES. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ANYONE WE KNOW? 

Lucifer always loved Sam more than anything. He wanted to make Sam as happy as he possibly could make him. And he knew the only way he could do that was to let Sam drag him back to hell, and if he didn’t he’d never be able to make Sam happy, even if they won. He had to chose between Sam and winning… So he chose Sam.

HE SURE DOES, LUCI, BUT YOU LOVE HIM ANYWAY.

“You sure like to brush my hair,” Sam says, tipping his head back to try and look at the archangel he addressed. A gentle pressure on the top of his crown kept him from tilting back any further, and he let out a soft chuckle and put his head back in its original position. The bristles of the brush came to rest at the top of his head, scratching there in a way that made him hum in pleasure, and then cascaded down the back of his skull and neck as Lucifer dragged them down along his head. “How come?”

“It reminds me of wing grooming,” Lucifer answers. Sam feels as the ends of his hair is cupped, working out a knot invisible to the human eye. The angel was obsessive, brushing much longer than Sam—or any human, really—would ever bother to. But the drag of the bristles felt nice against his  head, and he really finds no reason to complain.

“I hadn’t realized you guys needed to groom them.”

“Feathers get matted. It makes for very uncomfortable flying.”

The brush is passed down to him, and Sam takes it without hesitation. Lucifer’s fingers continue to work at his hair, and Sam knows he’ll be able to see an intricate braided web after all is said and down. When they started this, it had been strange, but he now finds that he likes having the hair out of his face when he sleeps.

“…I’ve never seen you groom yours.”

“Self grooming is impossible, at least fully. I haven’t had my wings groomed since I fell.” A pause, and Lucifer’s actions stop as well. “…Michael used to do it for me. You might imagine that I didn’t want to ask him to in the Cage.”

Slowly, Sam turns himself around, looking up at the archangel. Lucifer seems far away. “…would you let me?”

Lucifer blinks, peering back down at Sam. “…perhaps. Now turn around, you messed up my work.” 

The human obeys, looking back at the opposite wall where the mirror lies. He watches the archangel work delicately, knowing he could take just as much care when Lucifer decides to open up more to him.

Oh god yes I will talk about this!

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Sam wouldn’t even feel worthy though, to see all these things of Heaven and thousands of years of major history. But Lucifer tells him he’s seen everything of him, so he owes Sam the same.

And by the end of it Sam would just be in tears because of all these amazing things he’s seen through Lucifer. And then Sam just asks him how someone who is something so colossal and amazing and has seen so much would even give him the time of day, but Lucifer just responds that Sam is the most amazing thing he’s even seen.