onward: Part. II

sam has only seen the end result of lucifer’s death, hasn’t seen the events leading up to it, can’t possibly anticipate every single relevant variable to ensure that he saves lucifer from his fate. and yet sam will try, of course, try to fight against every single sign he interprets as a threat: doesn’t consider at first that perhaps he’s the variable that sets the wheel in motion.

sam’s visions growing stronger the longer he’s with lucifer, to the point where they’re occurring not just when he’s asleep. a sharp pain through his temple as the image of lucifer’s mangled limbs and red stained face flashes behind closed eyelids. and when lucifer touches sam’s wrist and asks him what’s the matter, sam will shake his head: he’s fine, just a headache, trying to conceal the sadness tinting his voice. 

sometimes, sam can fool himself into forgetting that he’s cursed, when he’s wrapped around lucifer at night, everything quiet and still. sam wants to remain like that, undisturbed and frozen in time, feeling as though nothing could possibly overpower his devotion to lucifer, no force in the world strong enough to rip them apart.

other times, sam toys with the idea of telling lucifer, warning him in the hopes that he can be more prepared for what’s to come, even though the voice at the back of sam’s head is telling him it won’t change a thing.

sam could have saved himself. he could have walked away rather than forward when he spotted lucifer across the street, the face that had burned into his memory from many nights prior which found sam waking up heaving for breath in a cold sweat. could have saved himself from the inevitable struggle of keeping lucifer alive against what has already been decided to pass. 

sam is determined to save this one though. at least this one. what good are his visions if he can’t save the people who haunt him.